allonlinenovel Ch. 94 - Homework? What Homework?
Ch. 94 - Homework? What Homework?
New Event: Global Dungeons Daily ReleasesAt that moment, at the entrance to the apartment complex, a half-naked man wearing nothing but his underwear fled in a panic.
It was none other than the Nanjiang Grand Thief—Zhao Yuan!
If it had been anyone else knocking on that door, he might not have recognized the voice.
But the problem was that Chen Shu's voice had left far too deep an impression on him. He hated it to the point of grinding his teeth.
Just two hours ago, he had been the one who called Chen Shu's phone.
Of course, scamming was only his side hustle. His main profession was naturally theft.
In all his years in the business, he had never encountered something so infuriating.
Not only had the guy claimed he had epilepsy, but he'd also insisted both his legs had been amputated. And the worst part? He couldn't even argue back.
After all, he was a scammer.
"What rotten luck! How did I run into this jinx?"
Zhao Yuan ignored the stares of passersby and tried to hail a taxi in nothing but his underwear.
He assumed his target had figured out he was a scammer and called the police. If he got caught, his identity as the Nanjiang Grand Thief would naturally be exposed.
Zhao Yuan tried to flag down a taxi.
But the problem was—he was in his underwear with his upper body completely bare. Who would dare pick him up?
Dressed like that, he was either a mental patient or someone who'd just been caught cheating.
"The hell are you looking at?! Never seen performance art before?!"
Zhao Yuan was in a foul mood and snapped at the people around him.
Just then, a ball of green light came flying toward him and circled around his head.
Everyone nearby saw that dazzling green glow and couldn't help but burst into laughter.
Wearing only his underwear, with a green light glowing above his head!
Truly the mark of a divine cuckold![1]
Some people even whipped out their phones to take photos, eager to document such a miraculous sight.
Zhao Yuan felt a chill run down his spine. That green light above his head was obviously a contracted spirit's skill.
At that moment, a Thunder Bird came streaking toward him at incredible speed, arriving in the blink of an eye.
"Old Xie, is this your skill 'Love is a Ray of Light'?"[1]
Chen Shu's mouth twitched as he immediately spotted that dazzling green glow.
Now THIS was a truly soul-crushing divine technique!
"You guys did this?!"
Zhao Yuan narrowed his eyes, filled with fury.
He had originally thought it was people from the Spirit Suppression Bureau. He never expected it to be two students and one elderly man.
"Huh? Your voice... Why does it sound so familiar?"
Chen Shu raised an eyebrow, suddenly recalling something.
"Holy shit, old classmate!"
It clicked for Chen Shu instantly. He never imagined he'd be this lucky—running into the scammer from that morning.
"Old Zhao, did your epilepsy get cured?"
Down below, Zhao Yuan clenched both fists, his face twisted with rage. Combined with the green light gleaming brilliantly above his head, he looked just like a returning "God of War."
Chen Shu called out, "Xu Xingxing! Go!"
Xu Xingxing looked utterly confused. "Go? Go where?"
"Use your bird to take him down!"
Zhao Yuan was a Beast Tamer. Chen Shu absolutely couldn't make a move carelessly—of course he had to trick the clueless newbie into testing the waters first.
"Uh... my Thunder Bird doesn't have any combat power..."
"???" Chen Shu was equally dumbfounded.
According to the textbooks, Thunder Birds were contracted spirits that commanded the power of lightning. Their innate skill was even "Lightning Strike," with terrifyingly high damage.
And now you're telling me this?
"My Thunder Bird mutated a bit. Its innate skill is 'Xunlei'!"[2]
Xie Sunan looked equally astonished. "For downloading movies?"
"Can YOUR contracted spirit download movies?" Xu Xingxing's mouth twitched. "It's obviously for running away."
Chen Shu waved his hand dismissively. "Stop the BS! Let's deal with our old classmate first!"
While Zhao Yuan couldn't see their little movements from below, Chen Shu quietly pulled a urea bag out of his backpack.
"Wait, what? You carry that thing around with you?"
Xu Xingxing and Xie Sunan both shuddered, nearly pissing themselves.
For them, this was obviously the first time seeing such a thing.
"Leave this to me! Have the Thunder Bird fly down a bit lower."
Chen Shu gripped the urea bag with both hands. When they were only about two meters from the ground, he suddenly leaped downward.
"Behold my Justice from the Heavens!!"[3]
Zhao Yuan looked up, but the green light above his head was too blinding, making it hard for him to keep his eyes open.
Out of instinct, Zhao Yuan summoned his contracted spirit.
A black rat appeared on the ground, its beady eyes darting around, looking incredibly crafty.
In truth, the real Nanjiang Grand Thief was this Night Rat. Its innate skill, "Night Camouflage," allowed it to meld into the darkness and easily evade all forms of surveillance.
The black rat seemed to sense the danger and immediately chose to flee.
Facing Chen Shu descending from the heavens, it was scared too!
"Damn it!" Zhao Yuan cursed under his breath, but there was nothing he could do.
Since childhood, he had trained the Night Rat to steal things. As for combat? It was completely useless.
Thwap!
The urea bag descended from above and covered Zhao Yuan completely.
As if sealed away, Zhao Yuan lost all ability to fight back.
Xie Sunan and Xu Xingxing immediately swooped down to finish him off. The three of them gave Zhao Yuan a thorough beating until he finally surrendered.
"Uncle Wang, come to Bailixiang Complex. We caught the Nanjiang Grand Thief."
"Really?" Wang Qian's expression changed to shock, and he hurried over to the north side of the city.
Soon enough, the Nanjiang Grand Thief who had terrorized the city for ten days was captured. Once again, the trio had made a contribution to a harmonious society.
"Hero Xu! Thank you for your help. Nanjiang City's peace and stability couldn't have been achieved without you!"
Both Chen Shu and Xie Sunan heaped praise upon him, practically putting Xu Xingxing on a pedestal.
"Something's not right here!" Xu Xingxing had been basking in the flattery, but his eyes suddenly darted around.
"You're trying to get rid of me, aren't you? There's definitely a bounty for catching a wanted criminal!"
Damn! This guy's not as dumb as he looks!
Chen Shu raised an eyebrow. He had been planning to trick him into leaving.
Xie Sunan slapped his forehead. "Oh, look at me forgetting that. You're right, there is a bounty—two thousand yuan total!"
"How about this: you were just support, so we'll give you five hundred. The remaining fifteen hundred we'll split between us. No objections, right?"
Xu Xingxing's eyes went wide, staring at the two of them until they started feeling uneasy.
After a long pause, he finally spoke: "There's really two thousand yuan?! I work part-time for a whole month and only make two thousand! A single criminal is worth this much?!"
"Of course, of course!"
Xie Sunan generously pulled five hundred yuan from his bag.
"Thanks!" Xu Xingxing was grinning so wide his face nearly split in half.
Beats being a research subject for cash, right?
The other two happily headed to the Beast Tamer Association and collected the hundred-thousand-yuan bounty.
"Old Xie, since you gave Xu Xingxing five hundred yuan, I'll give you twenty-nine thousand five hundred this time. No problems with that, right?"
Xie Sunan nodded, though something felt slightly off.
By the time he figured it out, Chen Shu had already made his getaway.
"Today is a good day..."
Chen Shu whistled as he returned home.
He had just been worrying about not having living expenses for the new semester, and then this opportunity had practically delivered itself to his doorstep.
Just as he was feeling pleased with himself, his mother's words instantly made his heart sink.
"Son, school starts soon. How's your homework coming along?"
"Hm? Hmm! HMM?!!"
Chen Shu's eyes went wide. His whole body shuddered violently, and he felt like he couldn't catch his breath.
Homework? What homework?!
[1] "Love is a Ray of Light" (爱是一道光) + Green Light Cuckold Imagery: This is Xie Sunan's Winged Caterpillar skill that creates a green tracking light. The name comes from Zhang Shaohan's 2004 hit song "Aurora" (欧若拉). However, since around 2017, the phrase evolved into a cuckold meme in Chinese internet culture because of the association between the color green and being cheated on (戴绿帽子, "wearing a green hat"). The full meme phrase is "爱是一道光，绿到你发慌" (Love is a ray of light, so green it makes you panic). So when Zhao Yuan stands there in his underwear with a green light glowing above his head, the crowd sees the ultimate symbol of a cuckolded man—hence "divine cuckold."
[2] Xunlei (迅雷): Xu Xingxing's Thunder Bird has a mutated innate ability called "Xunlei," which literally means "Swift Thunder." However, Xunlei is also the name of China's most popular torrenting/download software (similar to BitTorrent in the West). Hence Xie Sunan's immediate deadpan response: "For downloading movies?" The joke is that his combat ability is named after torrent software—and fittingly, its only use is running away fast.
[3] "Justice from the Heavens" (天降正义): A gaming meme originating from World of Tanks, where this phrase displays on screen when a player scores a devastating one-shot kill on an enemy from above. It's now used broadly in Chinese gaming culture to describe any devastating attack coming down from above. The comedy here is Chen Shu yelling this epic gaming phrase while his actual weapon is... a urea bag.